This week I was broken. What happened affected me so much I have avoided writing about it, though I knew I needed to.

While we were out geocaching on Sunday, Lisa and my email alerts went off at the same time. "Somebody must be copying both of us!" Lisa said. We were in the middle of a hunt, so we ignored it, expecting it to be another one of my dad's forwards or something else of little to no consequence (no offense, dad!)

When I finally checked the email, it was from the lady who gives soccer updates for Allison's team and league.She had gotten home from a trip and had noticed in the obituaries that the father of one of the soccer players had died unexpectedly in his home. I didn't recognize the girl's name so I almost blew it over, then I read it more closely and realized that it was one of Allison's closest soccer friends! We typically don't use her real name, we call her "Boo", that's why it didn't register right away.

This was not just any random soccer player in a sea of hundreds, it was the one Allison connected with. Boo's parents were the ones we chose to sit by and spend time with when we rooted our girls on and when we sat through awards luncheons. It's funny how quickly it turns from "Oh, how unfortunate. Someone we don't know died." to "Oh my goodness! I hope the family's ok! I wonder what we can do to help? I feel so bad for them!" I've had three days to process this, and I've had a number of things wash over me as I pondered this tragedy.

First of all, I thought about Boo, her mom, and her family. How could something like this happen? How will this affect Boo? And the ultimate question, what can I do to help? I have been thinking a lot about how to "be the Church" to the people in Pickerington, and I wanted to be the church for this family. I was DETERMINED to offer assistance in any way possible, and to REALLY MEAN IT. We went to the funeral home to visit the mother. Boo wasn't there, she was out getting something to eat. We gave her a hug and asked if there was anything we could do for Boo or her. I gave her my most sincere face when I asked, too.

The intent was real, but there was a problem. I once heard someone say something very profound that went something like this: When someone says, "I'm so sorry, is there anything I can do for you?" at a time like a tragic death or illness, what can you possibly respond? "Man, I'm glad you asked! Hey, can you go to the store and pick up some bread, milk, and a stick of butter? Oh, and my house could use a good cleaning. And I'll need you to watch my kids for the next month. I'll let you know as my list grows longer." This was not my best friend. This was someone I hadn't seen or spoken with since last soccer season. She answered exactly what you'd expect, "Thanks, but it's enough that you came." She was grateful, sweet, and then she had to move on to the next well-wishers. We were there all of about 10 minutes. Was I "the Church"? Should we have been better friends to her outside of soccer season? Does she have people in her life that are helping her through this tough time?

These questions drilled deeper until I realized the REAL question I needed to ask. "Who do I know that needs me to be THAT friend?" It's amazing how independent our society has become. You are best friends with your spouse, you love your kids and family, and beyond that it's all very surfacy. You can't be everything to everyone now, can you? Jesus wasn't everything to everyone. But He had those He was CLOSEST to... the ones He shared His most intimate times with, like the last supper and His transfiguration and His prayer in the Garden, and who loved Him enough to follow Him wherever He went. Who are those people for me? Who needs me to be the one who stands by them and supports them if something horrible happens to them? Who needs a friend closer than a brother to share the most intimate moments of life? And who do _I_ need to be there for ME when I'm going through struggles? I'm still answering these questions for myself.

The next thing that went through my mind was that Boo was Allison's age. This led me to wonder what would happen to Allison if one of US were to die suddenly? What would I want for Allison? How would she react? This all hit me very hard as I remembered a time not TOO long ago when I was wondering if the money from my life insurance policy would be better for my family than I would be. This whole incident helped me solidify in my mind that while my family would go on without me if something tragic were to happen, they absolutely need me more than money or anything else. It helped me to appreciate what God has given me, and helped me appreciate the fact that God is using me in a very special way to impact, protect, provide for, and love my wife and kids. I am important, and I matter.

The last thing that came of this was a learning experience for my girls. It's so interesting watching how each of them reacts to different things. In this case, the talk of death spurs about a million questions out of Shelby... "Did you bury them in 10 minutes at the funeral, daddy?" "How big was baby Rachel (our first pregnancy ended after only a few weeks) when she died?" "Did you bury her?" She was obviously impacted in a huge way, and she wasn't very close to any of them. Allison, on the other hand, acts completely indifferent. "Allison, do you want to go to the funeral home?" "Sure, dad!" "Why do you want to go?" "Hmm... I don't know." "Then maybe you don't need to go." "Yeah, you're probably right." Now with Allison, I need to spend some time gauging where she REALLY is, and figuring out how much of a friend I need to teach her how to be. Maybe SHE is the exact friend Boo needs in this time. Again, how can my family be "the Church" to the people around us?

The only definite answers I have to any of these questions is to make sure I spend a little more time hugging and kissing my wife and kids and making sure they all know how much I love them, because I don't know what the next year, month, day, hour, or even minute holds.

I hope this means something for you. As for me, I need to finish up here and go be with my kids for a little bit.